I knew my husband was having an affair…
One day full of self-pity and victimhood, I screamed at my four-year-old son and two-year-old daughter as they ran through the house playing. I slammed kitchen drawers and kicked at cabinets. Over my own yells, I heard a different scream come from the family room. My God, I forgot all about her. I rushed in and expected to see my four-month-old baby hurt, but she greeted me with a smile. Dumbfounded, I watched as she screamed again with a beautiful smile.
What happened next seems surreal, but my baby and I stared at each other—and it was as if we were communicating.
She smiled. I heard her message, in my mind. “Can you see what you are teaching me?”
“Yes, I see.”
“And is this what you want to teach me?”
“So, what are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know. I guess something will to have to change. But what? What am I supposed to do?” I rattled on telling her I cry all the time, can’t eat or sleep. How could I describe to my baby the emptiness in my heart? I wanted to explain everything, yet it wasn’t necessary because she understood it all.
Her eyes twinkled. She smiled at me. “And… ? What are you going to do?” Her silent voice echoed in my heart.
And I knew.
I started to question everything, but stopped myself. A deep, inner calling beckoned… I remembered the words to Gloria Gaynor’s song. I felt her words: I was petrified. Then her refrain became my mantra, I will survive.
With an inner strength, the angry, feel-sorry-for-me attitude turned to future dreams. A new home for my three children and myself. Setting a different example. Happiness. Teaching my children about love. Real love.
Three months later we moved into a new home. I’ve had many ups and downs since that move, but regardless of what obstacles I may face, or what pain and hardship I may have to endure… there is no doubt, Gloria Gaynor’s words empowered me and affirmed that I will survive despite my circumstances.
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